Well, it's not really day two- but in accordance of posts this is day two of a post. Haha. Today I am going to write about something that is something I like everyone to know about me- so that they can understand the reason I am the way I am.
My life changed as I knew it on Labor Day of 2005. I knew I was pregnant no longer than 10 minutes after my boyfriend at the time and I had gotten finished from having sex. I told him that moment that something didn't feel right that it just was different. He said, "Quit worrying, everything is fine." I brushed it off, but still in the back of my mind I kept thinking something was off. I even went to school the next day to tell my best friend, she said the same thing, so I just let it go. Well days passed and a couple months went on- I had forgot all about it. My friend, who shall remain unnamed, called me and asked me to take a pregnancy test with her for moral support. I, being the great friend, I am said of course. We went and somehow I managed to break my test, but not to the point that it couldn't tell me what it said. She said hers was negative- and this being the first time I had ever taken one started to trash mine, she said "What's yours say?" I said, "Oh- it's just got two lines on it- it's negative." She said, "Um, dear- two lines mean pregnant." After this I proceeded to drive back to CVS to take 4 more pregnancy tests, all saying the same thing. I cried for about 2 hours after this and wondered how the hell I was going to go home and face my sister (who was raising me at the time) and act like nothing had ever happened. I hid it from a lot of people for a long time before finally having to tell my sister. I had always been an A student, this was my senior year. However, I started sleeping ALL THE TIME. At school, at home, and if I could- at work. I was failing every one of my classes. For whatever reason, my school implemented a new rule that if any student had any grades of "D" or lower that they called and spoke with the parents. However, the students were not warned of this new rule. My sister called me from work. She asked me in a very stern voice, "Why did your counselor just call to inform me that you failed every single one of your classes?" I remained quiet. "Is there something you need to tell me?", she asked. I remained quiet. She began to batter me with questions until I said, "I need to go to the doctor." That's all I would say. The next 3 hours of phone calls were the most heated I've ever had. My sister and I had it out like we had never before. Needless to say- I was an emotional wreck the rest of the day. She needed proof. We went to CVS when she got home, we bought another test and she got me some Sweet Tarts. I took the test at home, positive of course, and we had dinner. No more mention of it. On June 10, 2006 (15 days after my high school graduation- which I walked for) Abigail Elise Rasmussen was born. Life was great after that, I had always known I was going to be a mother, I just never knew how much I would love my children. My boyfriend and I moved into an apartment with a family friend of his and he worked while I stayed home. Things were great until I was the only one taking care of the baby and being expected to clean up the whole apartment- even cleaning up after the 35 year old family friend. I was not having it, I moved back home with my sister and things just got worse from there. My boyfriend started hanging out with his friends, not calling, not coming around. I got a job and he told me to make friends with people I worked with, I just took it a little too far and became too good of friends with a guy I worked with who actually gave me any kind of attention. I know, horrible of me, but it happens. I am only human. My boyfriend found out and left me, righteously so. However, he asked me to come over to his parent's house (who he still lives with) so we could talk. I went over there and we proceeded to make up. And as any couple does after a big fight, we 'made up'. That would all be fine and dandy, but during said 'making up' my boyfriend told me he loved me enough to have another child with me- little did I know. Later that night I arrived home and found a message on my facebook, it was from him. It was a message telling me that it was all a mistake and that he didn't mean any of it. I felt disgusted and used. Needless to say, I still slept with him after it because I was convinced he would change. He never did- he ended up getting into a relationship with another girl and didn't tell me until she did. Good times. All the while I found out I was pregnant, again, with his child. He wanted me to have an abortion- which I didn't want to do, but I went ahead and went to the appointment anyways. I was a lot further along than we thought- 19 weeks in fact. In the state of Indiana anything after 16 weeks they don't do, but their Dayton branch did up to 24 weeks. I made the appointment. He never showed to take me, so I said to myself, I'm not doing it. I showed up at his house and I told him what I had decided. Needless to say- we didn't speak much after that. I had decided to do adoption. My sister worked with someone who had been having pregnancy problems and they really wanted a child. I still believe that God put them in my life at that time because he knew it was what the both of us really needed. All the while this was going on, I had just started a relationship with an old friend of mine. About 2 weeks into our relationship I told him what was going on, and to my surprise he was relieved- he thought I was going to tell him I had STD's or something crazy like that. This man stood next to me throughout the whole ordeal and was even there for me when I gave Isabella up. Isabella Raechelle VonBlon was born on October 10, 2007. I have an amazing relationship with the adoptive family and it's completely open. I am free to come visit any time I want, she sends me pictures and in fact on Friday we are having a picnic at the park by my house : )
Before this event happened I was an emotional person, I cried a lot. I had to train myself mentally and emotionally not to get attached to this human growing inside of me. Which required me to become more cold than I had ever been before. After this happened my life changed. I am not the person I was before, and I doubt I ever will be again. I am proud of what I have done, I know that I have many hard talks ahead of me and that one day this girl may hate me for a period of time- but I am okay with that because I know I did the best thing for my children at that time with what I had available to me. It's so crazy, because she fits so well with the VonBlon's and just looks like them, I can't imagine it having gone any other way. And I get that sense of pride in knowing that I completed another person's family with a piece of my own.
I am still with that man, the man who stayed by me throughout the whole process and who is now my husband. My oldest daughter who is going to be 4 in June loves him and even calls him Daddy too. I think my daughters are blessed. My oldest I feel is the most blessed. She has a Momma, a Daddy, and a Daddy Jhordan (her biological father), a Caydee Cakes Sissy (mine and my husband's youngest daughter- she will be 2 in December), a Bella Bug Sissy (Isabella) and lots of aunts and uncles and grandparents that will always be surrounding her.
My relationship with Abi's father has improved since I have gotten over him and since he has realized that I am actually over him. We talk occasionally, but usually just about Abi- and he sees her maybe once a week, but she's okay with that because she knows that wherever she goes, at whoever's house she stays out that Momma's house is home and that she always has a Daddy no matter where she goes.
I hope you all understand a little bit of how my life has changed over the last few years. I know a lot of people don't agree with what I have done, but I'm okay with that. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. But what I have done has led me to the path I am on- and while yes it could be easier, I am happy with it, and I love this crazy chaotic messed up life because it's my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Isabella Raechelle
October 10, 2007
A piece of my family given to complete another person's family.
